Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she peed on how many people?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
