You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
