Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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