I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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