She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
