I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
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Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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