Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can you bring me the toilet please
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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