just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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