You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
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don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
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We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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