You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
