Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
