I can text with my tongue
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
