Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
