New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
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There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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