My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she pinky promised me she was 18
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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