I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
