Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize