why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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