apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
