I need to stop coming to work sober
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i think my cat just said my name.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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