I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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