Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
