Can Purell be used as lube?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
