im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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