Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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