Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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