my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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