This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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