If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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