At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
