he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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