Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
