plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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