Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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