ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
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Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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