Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ugly people sure do ruin things
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
