i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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