yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
