It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
