She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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