separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
