Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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