Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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