YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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