Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize