i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
