I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
