I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
