i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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