i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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