It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
