i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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