like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
