he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
