A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
